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Typical DayStaring at the window or at the wall
Not knowing what I’m becoming, just waiting to fall
Silence for hours talking in my mind
The fear of the answers I might just find
Laying here still not moving a bit
Seeing myself screaming, trashing not flinching a bit
My soul has wavered not sure if I am me
But rage and anger all I see inside of me
Destruction of all I have including me
I even question the reason why I should be
Crazy, screaming wanting to die so bad
But the fear of death now that I never have had
Makes me protect what I have to live for and what is left
Even though I just want to give in to that’s all I have left
Take me now and make me die
Otherwise leave me now because death is a lie
Living for others just exist to provide
What’s the reason I have come to this, I lost my pride
So see me here wasting my life
As many before I want no more strife
But I can’t go on thinking this way
I am tired to much to live this way every day
I like to think that I might
meTrapped in my room going insane
Living with physical and mental pain
Wanting to leave this damn world behind
Fighting the fear but doing it blind
My eyes have seen nothing
But my minds seen too much
Scared of my feelings
And the thought of your touch
Will it be like this always in my own mental prison?
Till the day I choose to let my blood run crimson
I know there is help for me i just need to find out where
To see if they can help me or even do care.
The Real MeTo write like an angel with a dark sexy style
Touching your feelings with my mind all the while
Being gentle and pure to the ones that i love
Treating the broken and fragile with sensual silk gloves
A mind full of horror from all of the bad
Stories you hear so tragic so sad
Stories full of demons and anger and rage
Of innocent victims in their own life made cage
But the other side of me no one See's so much
So sexy and sensual makes your hands want to touch
Touch the place that's forbidden for women like me
Women controlled by religion; not meant to be free
Desire from my spirit lies out on a page
Through depression, to lust lovers at a young early age
If I could be me I would be this girl
In a dark sexy fairy tale my mind would unfurl
To be what I want and feel such passion
To have my mind set free, never going out of fashion
To live like a dark angel, sharing feelings within
Being free to be me without feeling the sin.
That NightYou took away my passion
You kicked me to the ground
Like I had just gone out of fashion
You didn't want me around
I watched you while you were sleeping
And gave you all you desired
The greed just took you over
And the gesture got so tired
I fed you when you were hungry
I gave you a family and a home
But your patience just grew weary
So I spent my nights alone
You pushed me to the limit
When you had affairs so much
I should have really seen it
That I would shiver at your touch
The useless fool you made me
Messing with my life
I couldn't take the last affair
It drove me to the knife
I was going to make you pay
And the girls you had seduced
Pick you off one by one
This anger you produced
I crept into your bedroom
And stole your secret book
I had to find the number
I had to have a look
I found the girl you had last
The one from down the street
I crept in through her window
Now her makers she will meet
Sleeping like a princess
With a teddy on her bed
I pulled out a plastic bin bag
No more being bulliedDon’t you get it, this is your war
I have no beef with you I’m not counting the score
I just want to be me without playing this fight
But you can’t let it rest you have to be right
I just want to live without this time consuming game
But you turn this to shit again and again
Can’t you leave me be to live my own life
Without being a asshole and giving me strife
I have no quarrel with you or your group
Please take me out of this self-played loop
For fuck can’t you leave me to grow on my own?
Disown me then try to make me your own
To many games you play to make yourself real
How many hearts and minds will you steel?
It’s all for your games the people no care
Dear man when will you ever try to play this game fair?
I am not youWhen you look at me, what do you see?
My long dark hair or my deep brown eyes
Can you really tell it's me?
Between the bleach and their lies,
Am I real or what you want me to be
How do you know what you really see is me?
Never knowing just clicking on a fav or a like
The war I go through just to see your spike,
The spike that gets me noticed to you and beyond
The artists that love me and so on so on
I'm fond of pleasing this will not last
See I have this time but not forgetting the past.
You weren't there when i needed you, you have no clue,
If I am meant to me or mirroring you
But I don't care for the people that let me slide
Just sitting on the fence, that I cannot abide
You give to me now, then on to the next
You have no life a bad wound left to be bled
I hate the one who says I'm not me
Because if you were me then you would truly see
I am not you and never would want to try
The thought of being you would make me cry
But one thing I know and this much is true
See in this life I am
Vampire NightsLaying in the dark cold of night
Waiting for my kind to join me here
Waiting for my time to take flight
And drink the sweet red blood laced with fear
My vampire nights are filled with horror
The kind that sends shivers through your body
Ripping flesh drinking blood, making love
Reaching out through your fears so strong so boldly
Wanting to embrace every sense every feeling
Seducing you with my beauty of the night
Pale white skin and eyes of fire
Breasts against your body as I'm holding you tight
I draw your minds so easy with desire
The human mind is such a fool for lust
Wanting all that sets your groin on fire
With my beauty unclothed you give such trust
Then is my time to play to extinguish your light
To hold your twisting body oh how you can't fight
Sending sensations of glory from my mouth to my brain
For a mere mortal this feeling would send you insane
When you're cold on the ground I look down with empty thought
Of that waste of that beauty you once held high
But you couldn't ref
Our Gooey Heart Together ApartHolds hands on heart cuffed romantically.
Fingers entwined with the pureness of love
Entranced skipping over every fingernail
Caught on every thought that comes to mind,
From the deepest sea to the heavens above
We swim in the vastest oceans and
Deepest skies and heaven's plains of love
Like a fairy’s breath settling
All around the whitest wings of the purest dove
Flying down to touch hands swallowed with one breath,
and I must say your love fits my heart like a glove.
HAHAHAThe pain I took for to many years
The mental violence throughout the beginning years
Suppression that no one could possibly bare
But did you know or did you care
I struggle to make my life worth living
I constantly try and am so so giving
But you take from me all I have to give
And take some more to see if I live
But life like this has got way too much
You had better look out as I have the clutch
On your mind your souls and who you are now
Is nothing to me as I see you're just foul
You try to be different not let them see
But inside I see you with the demon in me
I can relate to your anger and see through your lie
Its only you that retreats to the bedroom and cry
I know people like you who think this game is so fun
But seriously people I've already won
I let you think you're getting the highest score
But really lol you're just my stupid fat whore
You save the trouble of making myself heard
And you always say you're a person of your word
That is crap and you know that you foolish twit
I'm TryingI'm Trying.
What more do you want from me?
Can't you see I'm trying my hardest?
I'm trying to make something of myself.
I know nothing is promised and I may not be the fastest.
I know my attempts have not resulted in any form of wealth.
What more can I do to prove to you that this is what I want?
I can see you are finding it difficult to get past this.
You think there is more I can do to help myself.
You can see that I'm struggling; I never tried to mask this.
I want you to understand that this is something I must do for myself.
But all that I will ask for you is,
I hope that one day you will believe in me.
Believe in everything that I am trying to accomplish.
You don't have to necessarily agree with me.
But I promise that one day both you and the world will be astonished.
And on that day hopefully you will be able to see the drive in me.
Hopefully you will be able to see the fight in me.
Hopefully you will see the person that I am trying to be...come.
And all I will want you to say is
A Broken SoulA Broken Soul
One more broken soul
Laying shattered on the floor
Inside cut by cruel words.
Outside cut by the sweet blade.
A dream of a save world
In which can save me.
Reality hits me now and then
Because you can’t.
You would have to search
For every piece of my broken soul.
I can’t make you do that
All those shards could cut you
But we can’t both bleed.
What shall I do?
Wait until you can save me?
Save me and my soul?
I had that I can only deny this love to you
Because this love destroyed me
You broke me, you are the only one who can fix me.
They SayThey Say.
They say there is always a silver lining.
But right now my future looks bleak.
They say the sky is the limit.
But my vision is blocked by a mountain peak
They say life is a game.
But I was never any good at hide and seek.
They say were all different.
But does that mean that were all unique.
They say everyone wants to win.
But I have no desire to compete.
They say there are plenty more fish in the sea.
But they didn't say whether the water's shallow or deep.
They say everyone is searching for the same answer.
But I have'nt got it in me to cheat.
They say I'm too negative.
But I know this also comes hand in hand with defeat.
They say a healthy mind is a healthy body.
But I'm not to obsessed with my physique.
They say some situations you must face, face to face.
But sometimes I am not willing to turn the other cheek.
They told me some day I'd be someone great.
But I know that's a promise they cant keep.
They say sometimes shit just happens.
But I've recently discovere
When Tears Don't FallI may slit my wrists and count to ten,
Might laugh it off and cut again,
May color pages black and red,
May fantasize about you dead,
May bite my thumb until it bleeds,
Might lie about it 'tween my teeth,
May pretend it just isn't there,
Might claw and bite, snarl and glare.
I'll take the slap, won't even ask why.
But I swear to God, I will not cry.
A language that everyone speaks.
But one that we are not able to hear.
A place where emotions and abandonment meet.
Of which we are forced to confront our buried fears.
There are no more lessons that the agents of society can teach.
An infinite amount of words expressed through a solitary tear.
People dish out advice but never practise what they preach.
A language with the same traits as a hopeful prayer.
A society where people judge others, as they sit back in their self proclaimed seats.
They can no longer understand you and they aware of the darkness that draws near.
Many lives led but we are all accompanied by the same drumbeat
Maybe you don't want to be heard but people will forcefully lend an ear.
Lips fused together, unint
MuteThinking of those last words
Maybe I should just stop talking
Stay mute, barely whisper
This pain, like blades through my heart
This regret, like pins through my soul
This anger, just trying to escape
Trying to get out, but I won't let it
I'm mute, I say nothing
Why must I speak, I already lost you
The question, it screams at me everyday
Why couldn't you stay?
I just lay here mute, unconcsious
For no one to find me
I Remember-Do You?I remember nights
when it was just you and I-
with no one to tell us
we couldn't be together-
When I cried
you held me tight,
when I shivered
you kept me warm,
and when I refused to smile
you sang me
the softest lullaby.
I remember how much
you loved me,
and I remember how much
I loved you-
because I still do.
I remember-Do you?
From the Hole Where my Heart Used to be lyricsDepressed to the point where I can't even think straight
Fighting out battles with myself, So I can't even complain
Back to putting music on cause I can't handle reality
Back to finding words so I can describe what's all inside of me
Oh you make me hate myself, Like that's anything new?!
Probably fucking love it, cause why else would you pull the shit that you do
You love me, you hate me
You fucking make me crazy
I used to love myself and I used to love you too
Now I can't stand anything
And this includes you too.
Sweetheart, it's called
Severe depression, loss of passion
Empty limbo, its harassment
Another day forced to live a life I wish never happened.
It's not just what is going on,
Pain comes from things that have already happened
But when it gets a hold of me, this mansion I am trapped in
Check behind each door for the happiness they speak of
Front door locked, the robbers know how to sneak in
While you're on the other side
They're lurking in your halls
Stealing every possession
Im so tiredIm tired.
Theres not much else to say but that
Im tired of crying
Im tired of feeling alone
Im tired of everyone being against me
Im tired of making mistakes
Im tired of wanting to start over
Im tired of wanting to die
Im tired of wanting to live
Im tired of being tired.
Everyday its the same routine, I smile
I smile not just because I cant show anybody what I really feel but also because I want to believe its real
Its better to be positive until it all comes crashing down
They got me this far, they are my savior
They make me want to live
They saved my life.
They are creatures in my head
They are only real to me
I want them
I want them to save me.
They make me want to live because I’m scared to lose them
I cant lose them.
Im so tired.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More